As a teen, managing your mental health can be hard. Sometimes, opening up about what you’re going through can feel even harder. If you self-harm, you may feel scared, ashamed, or unsure about how to ask for help, but you don’t have to face it alone. Telling others about your thoughts, feelings and behaviors is vital to getting help. Self-harm, whether it involves cutting, bruising, or burning yourself, is a serious issue that should not be faced alone. We understand that telling your parents you self-harm may feel incredibly hard. Starting the conversation takes courage, but it can also be an important step in living a healthier, happier life.

Are you wondering how to talk to your parents about self-harm or another mental health challenge? This step-by-step guide can help you start the discussion and feel more confident as you take the next step toward improving your mental health.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, seek support immediately. Call or text 988, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, for immediate support. In addition, suicide prevention programs for teens can offer the help you need to overcome suicidality.

If you self-harm, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Many adolescents struggle with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, including adolescents here in Tennessee. In the 2023 Tennessee Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 15% of Tennessee high school students reported attempting suicide during the previous year. Furthermore, the Tennessee Department of Health reported an adolescent suicide mortality rate of 8.7 deaths per 100,000 among ages 12 to 17. While deaths present the most severe outcome, they point to the need for earlier support when a teen is self-harming, feeling hopeless, or thinking about suicide. A trained behavioral health provider, such as a therapist or psychiatrist, can help you break the self-harm cycle and develop healthier coping skills. To get this help, you’ll likely need to talk to your parents.

Starting a Conversation With Your Parents About Self-Harm

Many teenagers who are experiencing a mental health challenge such as self-harm or suicidal ideation find it difficult to talk to their parents about it. Some worry their parents will judge them or think less of them. Others might fear they won’t be taken seriously. It can also be hard to put into words exactly what you’re feeling. Some teens don’t want to burden their parents, while others may fear that their parents will overreact or punish them. 

Your parents can provide immediate care and help you take the necessary steps to ensure your safety. They can arrange for professional help, such as therapists, counselors or psychiatrists, who can provide treatment and support. A discussion about your mental health can help open communication between you and your parents and strengthen your relationship.

“It is important to let the caring adults in your life know about unsafe behaviors,” said Nicholas Shields, program administrator at Embrace U Knoxville. “I know it feels scary, but ultimately it will allow them to help keep you safe and get you the support you need.”

We know it can be hard to talk about your feelings, but there’s so many good things that can come from it. As you think about talking to your parents, consider these tips:

• Choose a good time — Telling your parents about your self-harm will likely involve a serious conversation. For a productive discussion, try to find a time when your parents are available and you can get their full attention. Setting is also important. Try to pick a time when you are all in a comfortable, private space like your home.
• Be direct — Honesty is key. You do not need to share every detail, but it is important to be direct and tell your parents about your behaviors. While speaking directly can be difficult, it is crucial that your parents know what you are going through. Your honesty can enable them to offer the support you need.
  
  “You do not need to fully understand why you are self-harming before you talk to your parents,” said Shields. “Self-harm can happen for many reasons, so adolescents should focus first on sharing when and how they are self-harming. If you know how you tend to feel before or after self-harming, that can also be helpful to share.”
  
• Explain why you want to talk — Let your parents know that you are looking for help and support. When you first tell your parents that you have hurt yourself, they may have emotional reactions. Make it clear that you are not trying to shock them or make them sad. Instead, it can be beneficial to focus on how you value their support. Look toward the future and try to center the discussion on solutions.

Does speaking to your parents in person feel too difficult? Sending a text may be an easier option. Texting your parents allows you to prepare your words and start a conversation without needing to worry about immediate reactions. Here’s an example of a good text to open the conversation:

“Hey Mom/Dad, I need to talk to you about something important, but it’s hard for me to talk about it out loud. I’ve been struggling with self-harm and I need help. Can we talk about this more at home tonight?”

How Parents Can Help

If you’re a parent reading this, your response matters too. Responding with care, concern, and support is essential, even if you feel scared. Your number one priority should be keeping an open and safe communication channel with your child so that they feel supported enough to talk to you.

“It is important that as the parent, you remain calm and regulated when discussing self-harm with your child,” said Shields. “Avoid shaming your child about their self-harm.”

There should also be protective steps put into place at home to help ensure your child doesn’t have the means to self-harm, but it is important that those actions don’t feel like punishment. If you remove or secure items that could be used for self-arm, explain that the “why” and that the goal is safety and support, not control or shame.

“The why behind any protective action that is used at home should be explained to your child,” said Shields. “It is important to let your adolescent know you are doing this because you care about them and keeping them safe is the most important thing.”

How to Stop Yourself From Self-Harm: Top Treatment Options to Mention

Want to bring up the possibility of treatment to your parents? Here are some solutions you can mention:

• Therapy — If you have not received any treatment for your mental health, therapy can be an excellent start. Evidence-based approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are designed to help you understand and manage your feelings and behaviors. Working with a licensed, qualified therapist, you can learn to avoid self-harming behaviors and build healthier coping skills.
• Support groups — Joining a support group can help you connect with peers who have gone through similar experiences. With peer support, you can get a confidence boost as you make progress on your mental wellness journey.
• Intensive outpatient treatment — When other treatment strategies prove ineffective, it may be time to look for more rigorous options. Intensive outpatient programs (IOPs) are designed to offer structured, comprehensive support through a treatment plan that integrates multiple therapies and modalities.
  
  “If the self-harm is continuing with the same intensity and frequency or worsening while weekly outpatient therapy is occurring, it might be time to consider IOP or PHP to give the youth extra support,” said Shields. 

“Why do I hurt myself?”: Leading Reasons Behind Self-Harm

Before you talk to your parents, it may be helpful to understand self-harm a bit better. This knowledge can help you explain it to your parents. Self-harm, sometimes called self-injury, is when someone intentionally hurts themselves. Self-harm should always be taken seriously, but it does not always mean someone wants to die.

“Non suicidal self-harm usually is being used to deal with overwhelming feelings or numbness, while suicidal behavior involves thoughts, plans, or actions to end one’s life,” said Shields.

Cutting, burning and hitting oneself are all examples of self-harming acts. People self-harm for many different reasons. Common reasons include:

• Emotional release
• Self-punishment
• Feelings of numbness

These reasons are generally signs of an underlying mental health condition that should be treated. Many teens struggle with self-harm. You are not alone. With the right support, many teens have successfully made progress and overcome self-harming behaviors. 

Embrace U Can Help address Self-Harming Behaviors

Telling your parents that you self-harm is a brave step on the journey toward lasting mental wellness. When you’re ready to seek treatment beyond regular outpatient therapy, Embrace U is here to help. Our expert team offers compassionate care through outpatient treatment options tailored to the needs of each individual patient.

“You do not have to face this challenge alone,” said Shields. “There are people who are able to support you and you them through this challenge.” 

Contact our team today for more information or to schedule an initial appointment.